Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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