k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
