im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
