Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
