they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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