So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
