but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
