If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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