I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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