Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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