i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
