you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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