Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
