going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
