i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I lost the right to judge tonight
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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