I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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