I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
are you so shy because you have an std?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Randomize
