her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
