I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
