i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
