matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
