the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
