dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
