Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
