I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you're hired as official boob wrangler
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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