sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
