My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
