So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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