dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
