Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
