Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
