You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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