You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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