here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
