she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize