There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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