Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize