Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
