I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
