Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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