I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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