I cut my penus on the lid.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
