I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
