Someone shit on the floor
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
