i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize