I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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