Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
