kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
