Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
