Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
