i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize