I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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