Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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