All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
