just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
