Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
