you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
