I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
