Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
