we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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