I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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