Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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