1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
