Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
