Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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