I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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