found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
