Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
