so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize