walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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