my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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