I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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