i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize