Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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