dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
