Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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