are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
