I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
