i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
