Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
