you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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