i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
