If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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