dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize