WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
