Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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