my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
