Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
