Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
