thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
