I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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